Check Out These Very Funny Jokes We Compiled For You (Get In Here)

The Ultimate Plan For My Ex – This Will Make You Laugh

My Ex will think it is finally over between us, not knowing am waiting for their wedding day. That point were the pastor will say ” If by law there is anyone in this gathering today that doesn’t support the joining of this couple should stand”. I will stand with confidence and walk majestically to sit in the front seat.

I won’t say anything. Its Just to shock them for the last time.

 

1. Men, have you ever been hurt so much by your side chick that you felt like telling your wife about it?
2. Best Fatherly Advice; Son, dating one loyal girl will make you a bigger boy than gathering 11 cheap sluts. One Cristiano Ronaldo is better than the entire Arsenal team.
3. Three classes of people you can never advise 1. Women in love 2. Men with money 3. Arsenal fans
4. LADIES, If you visit a guy & he takes your slippers inside, My Sister forget it, You are a Side Chick Don’t wait for a pastor to tell you.
5. Here in Nigeria, every girl suffering from poor malnutrition call themselves models.

 

HOW WHITES DESCRIBE THEIR PLACE TO YOU:

My place is about 300 metres away from Elephant and Castle. Turn right at the round about and follow the A201 towards Old Kent Road and the first right is my street.The 3rd apartment is my place.

HOW NIGERIANS DESCRIBE THEIR PLACE:

If you get to Mbonu crescent, you will see one big gutter. Jump the gutter and corner left… Do as if you’re going right but be cornering left small small. Be going down down until you see one place they’re selling Akara close to one Mama put in front of one Redeemed church, opposite where they used to throw away dustbin near one coconut and mango tree, you will see one crazy man sitting under the mango tree. Don’t talk to him, he can stone you. Walk to the front and follow the small road in between the primary school and the Anglican Church till you reach the filling station then cross to the other side. Just stand there and call me or ask the woman  selling cigarette to direct you to my place.

 

The Chase – Dirty Looking Ayo

Dirty looking Ayo saw a girl and suddenly ran to her..! The girl seeing him thought he was a mad man running towards her. She took to her heels, and ran as fast as she could.

Ayo continue to pursued her… The girl ran until she got tired. When she couldn’t run any more, She stopped and as Ayo caught up with her, She Asked; Please sir, what do you want from me? Ayo replied: Nothing o! I just want to say You Are Beautiful..!

 

Hilarious Must Read! 23 Funny But True Fact – All Will Make You Laugh

1) When a guy open a car door for a girl, it’s either the girl is new or the car is new.

2) A guy asked you for sex and you asked, “Do you Love me?”. What do you expect him to say, or Are you a LEARNER?

3) Half naked girls are hot, while well dressed girls are beautiful. Hell is hot, while heaven is beautiful. The choice is yours. 4) You have been engaged to him for four

(4) years and no wedding is forth coming. Please kindly remove the ring. Is your finger a ring holder?

5) You have slept with over ten (10) girls without protection yet you go to the barbers shop with your personal clipper you need Jesus!

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6) Guys always know who their heart belongs to, so if you like cook chicken in diamond sauce or do monkey style in bed, if it’s not you, it can’t be you.

7) In America when a couple go to bed they will say “Good nights my love” In Britain, “Sweet dreams darling” In Nigeria “Did you lock the gate, doors and windows?

8) You cannot say “I can’t date you, I have a boyfriend” and be asking for money from him. Gt-bank staff cannot receive salary from UBA bank!

9) My name is A’square, I used my friend to set up my girlfriend to see if she’ll cheat on me. Now they’ve sent me weeding Invitation. What am I? A) destiny helper B)God sent C) Fool

10) No Guy will ever tell a Lady “I’ve a Girlfriend” when asking her out. Their National Anthem is “We had issues and we’ve broken up”.

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11) Welcome to Nigeria where the government is responsible and blamed for every damn things. if mosquito bite you, you will blame the government.

12) No guy is single, you either snatch him from someone or share him with someone, the most important thing is to be the highest Shareholder.

13) I woke up today, someone somewhere just took their last breath. Thank You God for blessing me more than I deserve.

14) Thirty-five (35) years old first class graduate without job and you are following Lil’Wayne sing, I aren’t got no worries, your life is on SOS.

15) Idiot girls said: “I dated him for GOOD ten (10) years and he broke my heart” fool, what’s GOOD in the years?

16) a) Sex won’t make him love you. b) A baby won’t make him stay. If you’re doubting me, kindly ask TUFACE!

17) No matter how nice you are to a goat, it will still eat your yam.

18) You make his ‘Dick’ hard, you carry him enter room, he then put off his shirt, then you shout “April Fool…” My sister, he will RAPE your Destiny!

19) What shall it profit a girl to have all the Brazilian hairs in the whole world and still lose her boyfriend to a girl on low a cut?

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20) Kill an American citizen and one (1) million policemen will be deployed to search for you but kill one (1) million Nigerians you will be invited for amnesty.

21) Don’t act like you have it all, even rich men beg for pen in the bank.

22) No matter how big your house is? How recent your car is? Or how huge your bank account is? Our grave is still going be the same size, stay humble.

23) No matter how pretty or cute your face might be? You will still be the food for the worms. Set your arrogance aside and remember six (6) feet. No one lives for ever….

 

1.) Some girls are funny… They will leave hair in their armpits & shave their eyebrows. Biko, What kind of farming system is that ?

2.) The only warning Africans take seriously is Low battery. #TrueOrFalse?

3.) A Slay Queen At My Back During Lectures Today Shouted “We Can’t See Your Voice Sir, Please Be Loudable. I’m Still Waiting For My Turn To Faint Cause We Are Fainting According To Our Registration Number.

4.) I Have Been Fainting Since Yesterday When This Girl Told Me She Fell From A Bike And Broke Her Virginity.

5.) No one is more respectful than the person who wants to borrow money. He/She can even greet your dog. Like: Hello bingo, how was your night ?

6.) That Moment When Your Father Calls You “Stupid Boy” And You Mistakenly Reply “You Nkor” My Brother Jejely Pack To The Next Orphanage Near You.

7.) Your Pastor Has 6 Bodyguards And You Only Have His Sticker On Your Car To Protect You, I Have Nothing To Tell You… JUST GO.

8.) When you get married to a jealous husband. Husband: hello honey, were are u

Wife: I’m in the church

Husband: Give the phone to An Usher.

9.) Wife asked: What are u doing?

Husband: Am Killing mosquitoes?

Wife: How many did u kill?

Akpors: Total 5. Two females, 3 males.

Wife: How do u know their genders?

Akpors: 2 were near the mirror and 3 near the beer bottle.

10.) Some guys will intentionally not put chairs in their rooms so that when a lady comes to visit, she will have no other option than to sit on the bed. These are Minister of Strategic planning and Bedmatic Affairs.

11.) Why do banks connect ropes to their pens? We trust them with our money yet they can’t trust us with common pen 

12.) Who noticed? Lagos babes don’t post pics again 

The flood has carried their makeup kit     

13.) All those Guyz making promises during sex  .

How will u be promising one lady two houses, one helicopter and three cars while you’re owing Mama Akara five hundred naira??   

14.)  Hi Pals. I want to build a strong relationship, I have bought cement what else do I need?

15.) That Moment You Take Your Ugly Friend Along With You To Your Crush House. And She Was Like: “Oh My God!!! You Guys Look Alike”.

16.) Black people think violence fixes everything. You will find a person slapping a remote control simply because it is not working.

17.) When God Want To Play Your Video On Judgement Day, And It Shows: Viewer Discretion +18 Just Gently Walk To Hell Fire Straight.

18.) That awkward moment you seated in church beside your crush and your kid brother came running with #10 note towards you and says: Brother, Mummy said I should give you for OFFERING.

19.) Anambra girls be like:

My name is Rinda.

My best food is flied lice and chicken.

I school in Rondon and am studying Raw

20.) Just Thinking About this, If I Propose To A Girl On My kneel And She Says No. Guys Na  Uppercut Go Follow o 

 

6.) An 85 year old man sucked his 80 year old wife’s breast and was found dead the following morning. Bloggers Report: Died of drinking expired milk. Best before 55 years ago. 

5.) It’s only in Nigeria you’ll see a conductor eating bread with Power horse. For God’s sake, it an energy drink, not Tea.

4.) I vomit 2 times today in the presence of my mom and she has been looking at me somehow, should I remind her that am not pregnant, that I’m a man.

3.) It’s only Nigerian Police that will tell you: “Oga your plate number is LAGOS what are you doing in SOKOTO. You are Under Arrest”.

2.) I thought being a Nigerian was stressful till I met an Arab guy called Soq Madik. I just wonder how he will mention his name at job interviews.

Interviewer: Your name?

Guy: Soq Madik

Interviewer : Suck your what?

Guy: Madik

Oh God!!!

1.) Just wondering what Methuselah was doing on earth for 969years without an Android phone and power bank… That man must be strong.  

 

1. If you have attended over hundred weddings and you are still single, my brother/sister just know you are no longer different from a canopy..
2. That awkward moment when you have a Flu and you are with your crush having a great moment then she cracks a joke and all of a sudden your Nose decides to blow a Balloon. 
3. You keep saying: What a man can do, a woman can do more better. But can a woman urinate & use the urine in writing “8” on the floor?

7. One Ibadan girl was shouting “Banana, banana, i run and take you away” it was until i removed the ear piece from her phone that i realized she was singing “Diana o Diana o, i wanna take you away”.

 

6. Relationship stress will make you decide to iron all your clothes and after you are through you realize you didn’t put the switch “ON”

 

5. Ugly girls will do whatever you tell them to do in a relationship until it’s time for abortion. Don’t even suggest it Broda. 

 

4. Guys that carry condoms in their wallets, what exactly is your purpose in life??? So as you are walking on the road and hoping to see a girl and you will just climb her. Are you a fowl??

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3. I bought an iPhone 7 online for 10,000 naira and the battery charged to 125% and it suddenly went off. It restarted and started displaying Samsung logo Who Did I Offend ???

 

2. Yesterday I Bought A Power Bank For N500…And I Was Very Happy It Was Cheap Until My Phone Started Charging The Power Bank.

 

1. Proposing to a lady in her 30’s is not an engagement, it’s a rescue mission. What Did I Call It ? A RESCUE MISSION  

 

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