“I was dating other women, even my husband was dating other women” – Prof Uju Anya on why her marriage failed

Nigerian-American professor, Uju Anya, has spoken candidly about her past marriage, sexuality, and the personal experiences that have shaped her life, insisting that her marriage to her ex-husband was real, intentional, and based on genuine love.

In an interview on With Chude, Dr Anya revealed that her childhood was shaped by growing up in a deeply troubled home. She recounted that her father was a womaniser who was physically abusive, emotionally neglectful, and publicly humiliating to her mother.

When she was just 10 years old, her mother left the marriage, an experience she said left her feeling love-starved and emotionally wounded for many years.

According to her, these early experiences greatly influenced her worldview. After relocating to the United States, she embraced feminism and later became an atheist, a position she said she has maintained for decades.

Despite identifying as bisexual, Dr Anya said she fell deeply in love with a man and married him, stressing that it was not a “fake marriage” or a cover.

She explained that she was emotionally invested, physically attracted to him, and fully committed to the relationship at the time.

“When I met my ex-husband, I liked him. He was hot, he could dance, he was funny. I felt sexual attraction, and I held on to him tightly because this felt like my passport to a normal life,” she said.

She added that the marriage was both sexually fulfilling and emotionally real, but over time she realised her attraction to women was stronger. About 10 years into the marriage, she disclosed to her husband that she needed to be with women as well.

According to her, the couple mutually agreed to open the marriage, and while both dated other people, she said the arrangement only kept the marriage going for a few more years.

“That held me maybe another four years,” she said.

She revealed that a major turning point came when she attended a Nigerian lesbian wedding in New York, an experience she said brought clarity.

“My marriage was over at that point. I knew this was my future. I needed to go,” she said.

Dr Anya also addressed the criticism she frequently faces, particularly being labelled a “man-hater.” She dismissed the claim, explaining that while she has experienced genuine attraction to men, she has always loved women more.

She further spoke about the intense backlash she has faced in recent years, including death threats, after publicly criticising the late Queen Elizabeth and referencing the suffering of Biafrans. According to her, the situation became so severe that she had to involve both the police and the FBI, and it took a significant toll on her mental health.

In 2024, Dr Anya married her long-term partner, Dr Syria Lang. She described her as her dream woman and said their union went beyond marriage, as they also blended their families.

Watch the video below …