“Dating is consented rape” — Woman shares encounter with elderly man on Lagos Island

A Lagos-based woman has recounted an unusual encounter with an elderly man who controversially described dating as “rape.”

The discussion, which took place last week on Lagos Island, quickly drew attention due to the man’s unusual perspective on relationships, consent, and promises of marriage.

According to the woman, the man, a financial accountant who also drives for income, explained his theory over several days of interaction, framing dating as a transaction in which one party takes benefits of another person’s future under the guise of a promise.

“He said dating is consented rape,” she explained. “In the old days, when there were no records, people would rape because the lady couldn’t report it due to stigma. Now someone can say, ‘I want to marry you. I see a future with you,’ and start taking benefits of your future today.”

The woman said the man illustrated his point using a car analogy: “He told a story of selling a car to someone for 3 million naira, while also promising it to another buyer. The lesson, he said, is similar to dating—people promise something in the future but collect benefits in the present without intending to fulfil them later.”

She added that the man emphasised legal consequences for false promises: “He explained that promises for marriage are punishable under law, and someone can sue if you take benefits today but don’t deliver the promised future.”

The woman said she was struck by the elderly man’s reasoning, noting that although controversial, it offered a new lens on dating, consent, and trust in modern relationships.

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