“We are left alone and lonely, working harder than before” – Woman says after Nigerian marriage therapist advised Muslim women to accept reality of polygamy

A woman, Asiya Mohammed has said that women bear the brunt of polygamy. 

She stated this while reacting to a post by a Nigerian marriage therapist, Shamseddin Giwa, who advised Muslim women to accept the reality of polygamy.

“Dear Muslim sisters, your men are permitted to marry more than one and you know this. There’s nothing wrong with desiring a man who would have just you (and yes, they exist aplenty. Discuss these issues upfront and clearly so that you have a clearer idea of who he is. Understand though, that there’s no guarantee he’d stay this way. To go in with someone who has always had the intention of polygyny and complain in the marriage about it, more times than not, would not give you the results you desire. Many complain about this but if the deen clearly permits him then he does nothing wrong in the context of the deen if he chooses to go this route.As much as many go into it because of conditions in the current marriage, understand too that sometimes, it doesn’t mean you have done anything wrong. This is the reality as it applies to you as a Muslim,” Mr. Giwa wrote. 

In response to his post, Asiya said men make polygamy look easy but in reality, women in polygamous marriages lead unsatisfactory and lonely lives. 

“Easy for you men to say, oh she should just accept it. The reality of polygamy for us as women is first problem most men who do it can barely afford to take care of more than one wife. So we end up having to scrimp and scrape for household items, and things for the children,” she wrote.

“Then add to that the fact we as women have to sleep alone at night and we have no one to protect us when he’s gone, but he’s always got someone with him. We women have to spend a half, a third or one quarter of our life totally alone, depending on how many wives he has, which is horrible and lonely.

“And we also have to run the house, do all the chores, and take care of the children totally alone without any help, because our husband is in another house. You men get it easy, we are left alone and lonely and working harder than ever. It’s no game for women. Think about it before you leave your wife in this situation.”